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"It's very important to bring board games when you destroy a nation" advises "Camilo", famed dictator of much of South America and a burgeoning protectorate in North Africa. He finds that the games keep the men from "inappropriate" pillaging and looting and that "besides, if I don't give the vanquished people something to play with, they all just want my wonderful conqueror toessel." [More!]
"Regrets? I regret not bashing more heads", intones "Leona", now in her fifth year of service as a peace officer to the citizens of the notorious Third Ward. From the scalding heat of gang turf battles to the freezing bureaucracy of the city's police department, "my homey toessel keeps my head just where it should be: on taking care of business." [More!]
"You ever try to fit a raccoon into a sequined body suit?" challenges "Emily", a wild animal trainer and fixture on the late-night talk show circuit. Internationally known for her "Monkey Merry-Go-Round", the bi-annual "Weasel Festival", and the "Orangutan Olympics", Emily has much to say about the similarities between humans and animals: "Virtually identical. Except, of course, that they could never wear a beautiful bowler toessel like this one. But that's about it." [More!]
"I'm quite fond of most opportunities to drop a positive rhyme," claims crossover hip-hop artist "Jos-E-Jos". His latest breakthrough album "You Would be Better Off If You Prepared Yourself, Because I Have Something I Wish To Express" flew off store shelves almost overnight. Why such rapid movement from a new artist? "My boss at RecordLand told me that if I didn't take the album off the shelves, I'd be fired. He didn't think much of the papa bear toessel either. [More!]

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