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"The trick is to always stay one step ahead of them," confides "Deborah", one of our country's finest Eastern European operatives. Her near-eastern near-death exploits have been documented in a popular film series, Kiss Me Before You Die I, II, and III as well as serialized in graphical novel format under the running title High Heels, High Noon. "Sometimes it bothers me that I'm always on the run - but then again, I've got my own action figure. That kind of makes it all okay". [More!]
"Why not improve nature? Eyes - good; contact lenses - better! Breast - good; breast implant - better! Full head of hair - good; bald head with Rogaine toessel - better! Why accept what God has given on us when we can relentlessly improve upon it? Just because God did not clad our feet in rubber does not mean he didn't intend for us to wear sneakers; just because God did not bless us with variegated dredlocks surely cannot mean that he wouldn't want us to enjoy their colorful goodness!" [More!]
"Wooly hat save office worker from trouble" declares "Cindy", an example of one of the latest measures in office security. The firm that employs her, "Visible Visigoths", believes that a conspicuous presence is the best way to deter thieves and other employee malfeasance. As Cindy so adroitly describes her new surroundings, "Me hunt mammoth at home for food; now me hunt offices for laptop theft!" [More!]
"The term 'baby broker' really isn't fair; I prefer the appellation "child relocation specialist", reveals "Paul", a major player in the new business of "parental satisfaction guarantee" offered by some of the more exclusive medical insurance companies. "Just as I'm content with my stovepipe toessel, why shouldn't parents be happy with their child? Or, more appropriately, why can't they be just as happy with somebody else's?" [More!]

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