Page Four Page 1
Page 2
Page 3
Page 4
Page 5
Page 6
Page 7
Page 8
Page 9

"There's nothing at all weird about it, really," defends bestselling New Age Guru, "Andrew", when asked about his most recent chart-topper, "Hydro-Nasal Rebirthing Therapy: There's Nothing At All Weird About It, Really". While some call him a "freak", "weirdo", or even "potato-head", Andrew insists there is nothing unusual about his beliefs. "Just like this toessel thong, sometimes truth comes in strange packages." Whatever the heck that means. [More!]
"Sure, it was hard to turn down all the glamour, but the planet needed me" recalls "Amy", International Environmental Anti-Terrorist and former runway model. Since turning down cover deals from Elle, Vogue, and Mirabella, Amy has been hopping the globe, from toxic dumping grounds in Guatemala to strip mining sites in Siberia, always brandishing an uzi and her trademark rosy cheeks. "Sometimes, the eco-terrorists I bust think that I'm there for a photo shoot. But when they see the toessel thong, they know I mean business." [More!]
"I can't take all the responsibility" confides famous European pop star "Amanda", re-telling for the hundredth time how she almost singlehandedly brought down the Berlin wall. As if 17 hit singles, nine gold albums, and millions of fans worldwide weren't enough, Amanda is now working on her most recent memoir, "Communism: You Just Can't Dance to It". "To be honest, this homey toessel had more than a little to do with the collapse of worldwide Socialism." [More!]
"The pursuit of your passion begins here." It was these seven words, so innocuous on the sterile screen of a computer, that truly did ignite a worldwide passion. "Timo", author of nineteen Silicon Valley romance novels, including "Purged Caches, Broken Dreams", "A Cookie to Snack On" and "Samantha's Initial Public Offering" wrote those words on the first page of his very first novel, "Hard-Coded For Love". "The papa bear toessel keeps me from intimidating the ladies," coos Timo. "Don't you want to rub my tummy?" [More!]

Home | Models | Hats | Advertising | Promotions | History
Rants | Winter '99 | Order | Send Me Mail | Read My Mail