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"Creamy Unsalted Natural. Now, that's complex."

No, Really, It's Not That Tough.

One of the rotating slogans of this site, "Knitting is complex and dangerous", couldn't be further from the truth. Deaths related to knitting have dropped dramatically in recent years, and nothing really could be simpler than knitting a hat. Trouble is, no one seems to believe me.

Recently, while conversing with a woman who has been crocheting longer than I've been alive, she confided that she's scared to knit because it's "all counting and reading patterns".

Friends, a little piece of me died just then. In terms of complexity, I would say that knitting ranks right above tying your shoes and right below making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Figure 1 - Comparison of knitting and making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
  Knitting PB&J Easiest?
Elements 4 - Needles, Yarn, Scissors, Tape Measure 4 - Bread, Peanut Butter, Jelly, Knife Tie.
Difficulty in Building? 2 - Knit, Purl 3 - Peanut butter on bread, jelly on bread, combine. Knitting
Knowledge of elements? 3 - Yarn can be wool, acrylic, or a blend. Unlimited - Peanut butter could be creamy, chunky, salted, unsalted, with sugar, without sugar, organic, national brand, etc. Jelly could come from a hundred different berries, not including marmalade. Knitting

Knit, purl, knit, purl. Really, that's all there is to it. Does Joe Eszterhas worry about arcane knitting techniques like S1, M1 SSP2, *SLP5*? Of course not! And neither should you.

So what's the secret to knitting?

  • Buy some needles.
  • Buy some yarn.
  • Find a hot little honey with grandchildren to show you the rest.
Just as long as she doesn't ask you to make a PB&J as a little snack, you should be fine. Trust me.

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