Gentle People,

We are gathered here today for our graduation ceremonies. As you know, we at the Claerbout School of Amateur Environmental Education have a longstanding cooperative agreement with the Antioch New England Graduate School.

1. We will have speeches.
2. We will have stories.
3. We will have the presentation of the diploma.
4. We will have food and drinks.

Because the Claerbout School of Amateur Environmental Education is so disorganized, it could not possibly grant a degree in administration without our affiliation with the Antioch School. Fortunately, this agreement to share Amy with the New England school enables us to grant today to Amy Louise Powers, the degree of Environmental Administrator cum laude, cum extraordinare.

Amy's area of excellence is Herpatology. Since some of you might not know what is Herpatology, I will explain that biologists are like belly buttons. They may divided into two traditions, the "innies" and the "outies". The innies do their work mostly indoors while the outies journey outdoors to far places. The monk Gregory Mendel is the founder of the tradition of the "innies" while Charles Darwin is the founder of the "outies".

Amy Louise Powers is of the outie tradition, having established herself, having demonstrated her prowess and expertise, by identifing 6 amphibians in one night of searching through vernal pools.

Therefore, with the powers vested in me by the provost, by the president, and by the board of trustees of our Claerbout School of Amateur Environmental Education, I will grant her diploma after the speeches and stories and before the refreshments.